Just Like A Phoenix

Goodbye

akeeness — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 21:09:29 +0000

I am angry. I am so angry I’m saying goodbye to blogging for now. I dont want to write anything that I might regret so I’m going to write all the hatred in a diary.

I feel so used. Betrayed. And I have never felt this way in my entire existence. And that one person made me feel like I was the biggest fool in this world. I have my ups and downs but this one beats ‘em all. You took everything away from me. My pride, happiness, trust and love. I dont know if I can be myself again.

I’m not gonna be updating anything right now even my facebook account. I just need time to get everything back. Im trying to get my pride back. Im now trying to gain confidence and happiness. I’m trying to love myself again.

from lexie…

akeeness — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 19:29:35 +0000

“Part of the fantasy of every betrayed person is that one day the person who hurt you will come back and answer all your questions and apologize for hurting you. But the thing is…they wont. They’ll die a liar and will feel feel good about themselves. That’s how selfish they are. They cant give you closure, you have to find it yourself. You get angry with them. Then you get over them.
Bless them in your mind and have peace with yourself. When or if that person comes back, you can say Hi and Goodbye at the same time”—Oprah Winfrey

For the record…

akeeness — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 16:21:47 +0000

Hmm…this is a nice song from Mariah Carey…hehehe

For the record
You oughta know
You wasn’t thinking
When you let me go

But whatever
That’s how it goes
Win some you lose some
And others you hold in your heart

Why it gets so hard
Tears you all apart
Even though you try to let go
No, no, no

Suddenly you’re here
And it’s so surreal
And I don’t know
What the deal

Cause when I’m looking in your eyes
Feels like the first time
Give me one good reason why
We can’t just press rewind
I don’t wanna spend my life
Thinking what it could’ve been like
If we had another try (one time)
Like back in the day
That look on your face
Feels like, the first time

You’ll always be a part of me
No matter what you do
And for the record
Can’t nobody say
I didn’t give my all to you

And for the record
I told you underneath the stars
That you belong to me
For the record
It’s obvious that
We just can’t let go of us, honey

For the record, baby
Now you know, baby

Sorry

akeeness — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 21:44:07 +0000

I’m sorry if I’ve said some things that had hurt anyone. There are times I let my temper control me. I’m sorry if I get upset with small things. I am too emotional although I know what’s right and wrong, I just can’t help letting people know how I feel.

So i’m sorry and hope you get to read this. I dont have any right to be like that towards you but I got so insulted I couldnt think straight. You know how I feel about everything.

ALL I CAN SAY IS…

akeeness — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 17:07:14 +0000

Say you’re sorry
That face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
As I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on
The days drag on
Stupid girl,
I should have known, I should have known

[Chorus]
I’m not a princess, this ain’t a fairy tale
I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain’t Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it’s too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

Baby I was naive,
Got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
My mistake, I didn’t wanna be in love
You had to fight to have the upper hand
I had so many dreams
About you and me
Happy endings
Now I know

Isa pa

akeeness — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 20:56:06 +0000

Hindi ako marunong magalit. Naiinis, naaasar ako minsan pero di pa naman ako nagagalit. Kung may nasabi man akong masama sa ibang tao ganun lang talaga ako. May pagka taklesa kasi ako. Pero marunong naman ako mag sorry.

May nagtanong sa akin na hindi ko naman kilala, bakit daw ako madalas umiyak. Hahaha. Ay paano nya nalaman na hobby ko yun? Nabasa pala nya sa facebook ko. Sinagot ko naman ng totoo.

Madali akong basahin. Kung kilala mo ako alam mo agad pag naiinis ako, nabibwisit, naiirita or masakit ang tyan. Tanungin mo ako hindi ako magsisinungaling. Except siguro kung super personal na.

Bakit nga ba ako malungkot? HIndi naman kasi madali makalimot. Lalo na kung nagtiwala ka at naniwala sa mga pangako. Pero galit ba ako?

Hindi. Marunong ako magpatawad. Kung tatanungin mo ako ngayon kung gusto kitang makitang masaya sasabihin ko oo. Pero kung masaya ka dahil may iba ka na eh please lang wag mo muna pakita sa akin. Please lang.

Nasasaktan pa rin ako. Kasi hanggang ngayon gulat ako at di ko pa rin naiintindihan. Hindi naman ako bobo kaso biglaan lahat.

Isang araw lang masaya ako di ko alam babawiin sa akin yun kinabukasan. Akala ko magiging masaya ako kasi kasama kita. Hinanda ko na naman sarili ko na minsan magkakasamaan tayo ng loob, minsan mali ang gising ko, minsan ikaw ang mali ang gising o di kaya minsan tinotoyo ako.

Pero di ko lang nahanda sarili ko na bigla ka na lang bibitiw. Ayaw ko ng sumbatan ka pa kasi pagod na ako. Pagod na ako sa kakaisip kung anong nangyari. Hahayaan na kita. Sana maging masaya ka.

Bow

akeeness — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 22:54:53 +0000

Minsan may mga taong sasaktan ka pero di ibig sabihin nun di ka na dapat magtiwala ulit. Kahit na magmahal ka ng sobra sobra hindi ibig sabihin nun mamahalin ka din nila.

Kahit na gaano ka pa kabait may taong hindi ka gusto. Minsan kahit ikaw ang handa sila hindi. Kahit gusto mo pa ibalik ang nakaraan hindi na pwede.

Hindi madaling baguhin ang ugali ng isang tao. Pero naniniwala ako na merong isang tao na tatanggapin ka kahit na laging mainit ulo mo, magulo parati buhok mo at kahit na napakadaldal mo.

tarot reading

akeeness — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 22:55:54 +0000

My reading for today is:

A time of transition is upon you. Know that this end is occurring because of divine timing. There is nothing you could have done to avoid it; one way or another it had to happen. Release attachments and move forward in faith that what you are experiencing is a part of your chosen plan, and serves your highest good. This is an opportunity to become greater than you were before.

Very well said.

i think this is the last…

akeeness — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 23:25:09 +0000

The BBW/Wolfie saga will be on hiatus for now. We all need our little space sometimes. Because I respect the person…this will be the last time you’ll see your name mentioned here.

Meanwhile, in my very fabulous world where bunnies and unicorns play with each other, I’ve decided to read my old books. I discovered The Unbearable Lightness of Being which I got (if I’m not mistaken) 3 years ago. Yesterday was the first time I read it.

And I cried. I dont know why but I cried. Maybe because I didnt understand anything and I pity myself because I havent read a serious book for quite sometime now…eerrr…maybe because I imagined (once again) I’m Tereza.

And maybe that’s the reason why I’m so sensitive and so melodrmatic. I have this habit of comparing my own real life to the one that I read. A good example: when I was with Guy # 3 I kept comparing him to the lead guy in one of Sidney Sheldon’s books. I was craaazy about that book and the story stucked in my head. So I believed that time that I was lead girl and he was the lead boy. Every little thing about him I compare right away with the book. I would be greatly pissed off if he Guy # 3 doesnt follow the character’s habits, style, charm. Guy # 3 turned out to be a deceitful cheater, liar, jerk. Anyway I know I dont make any sense but my point is…My life was not a book written by someone. I was the one writing it.

Anyway, I will be back for more books and other stuff. I need more books to read. Suggestions are welcome.

i dont know where i am

akeeness — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 22:44:56 +0000

I love him. I have given up a lot of things just to be with him and I’m willing to give up more if the situation asks me too. What I dont understand is myself. Maybe this is part of the post ‘it’ depression. I need to heal and move on yet every time I close my eyes it haunts me.

I always ask myself if he feels the same. I dont have the courage to ask him because I’m afraid it might lead into another fight. I am paranoid and my head keeps questioning little things. But if you ask me if I made a mistake in choosing to be with him I’d answer you without hesitation “NO..I AM HAPPY”.

To you BBW… I hope you can forgive me for my shortcomings and for my mood swings. I dont know what’s happening to me. I just dont want to be alone. I love you and I’m happy to know that you’re always there for me. We had problems yet you stayed with me. I’m really lucky to have someone like you in my crazy life. You’re the only person who can control me and can understand my tantrums. I hope we can make our relationship work. I love you Wolfie!